Musings 4

It is bloody difficult to go through everyday. And it is much more bloodier to go through everyday when you know others are having fun with their everydays

Musings 3

There are some moments one must have to be able to negotiate the world of noise and demand. One night when the inaneness of what you do fills you up to the brim, you turn it off. You turn off the sounds you can and you make peace with all the sounds you cant. You let the quietness hovering around you for days and weeks and months come inside you. You wait for it to envelop you, to let out the thoughts unworded, the words unspoken and because there is no one around you, you speak them in silence to yourself.

If only it were that easy.

Quietness and silence has to fight. Fight with other thoughts that suddenly want to be thought. Schedules about what must one must do about all the work undone, the superficiality of hair styles and what changing them means to you as a person, the relationship you demand so much of, the relationships you kill actively and passively, the sudden urge to drink water and let its reinvigorating touch cleanse you, how one must sleep so that one does not screw up your body rhythm.... these and much more, much much more... drive hard to keep the quietness away.

Most often they are successful. But sometimes these poisonous thoughts scamper away.

Musings2

Well, so today was one of those watershed conversations. We had talked long and hard earlier about keeping the relationship open and today we had the chance to really feel how difficult it is.

I hated it when I first heard it. And then I kept quiet about it. I felt jealous next. None of what he said about his love for me I heard. I merely kept quiet about it. And then I told him, I felt bad. And I told him why I felt bad.

And we spoke of inequality. Of egos. Of hurt. Of separation. Of love. Of Togetherness. Of binary simplicties. Of multiple complexities. Of finding new ways.